♥ 2nd Pregnancy
 Scans & Check up
Tummy growth thru the pregnancy!
Birth Story
will i even get to receve ur call?
ever see 2 person who are having problems with relationship chattin with each other and sharing? lols. that's wad me and qi are doing lor. hais. im not feeling gd. feeling veri lousy instead. is this realli the end alreadi? that night i told him, i duno whether he's asleep or not, but i told him, dun keep pushing me awae. and pull me back when im abt to let go. he can do this once, twice, many times. but der will be a time where im too tired and just want to let go. i alwaes believe we mus b contended with wad we haf. we mus never compare. but he compared and even tell me so. he's telling me that im a lousy gf. everibodi have their ups and down. everibodi is different. nobodi is perfect. definitely when i see his problems i also wish he can b like someone else. but i told myself, nobodi is perfect. since i love him, i should accept him as who he is. some tings we can try to change slowly. try to accomdate each other. but seems like, that isnt wad he's tinking. he's selfish. damn selfish. he can tell other ppl that he see my changes. but he sae stuff as if he have no wrong. if a problem is there, it's not a matter or who is wrong. bcos both have wrong. jus the weight of the fault. suddenly im tired of everithing. tired of love. tired of working. tired of doing tings. bad tempered me is coming back after i tried so hard to change over this 2yrs. bang wall and die. hahas
went around to gather information on what did i actualli do when im dead drunk. feedback damn gd. hees. all sae im easi to handle bcos im the kind that is stone stone kind. just stone, dun talk. and when i talk, it's onli awhile and nobodi can hear. wahahhas. somemore sae wad, i drinking then they dun let me drink push me squat i squat and cry. then suddenly stand up again and start drinkin again then kanna stopped again and i just stare back at the person. lammme. cannt imagine sia. they sae easi to handle ehs. push me i will walk. wun ask why or kaobei. guai guai follow and walk. cry also silent mode! hahahahahas. i think i will rememeber this forever. and yea, no drinkin for me for the time being. still feel like vomittin. disgusting.
the alcohol is still in my body and im floating -.- cannt concentrate on work bcos i jus feel like sleeping and my whole body is weak. i guess yesterdae was the first time i drink till i dun even know wad happen. esp when i still telling other ppl that no matter how drunk im, i still know wad im doing. but, nw i can tell u, i duno how i manage to walk down that stairs of double o. i duno when my bag was passed to me. i duno how i got into a cab. i duno how i took the lift or wad happen in the lift. worst, i dun even know how i opened my door or who open the door for me and how i manage to lie on my bed. im gone case. wahahahas. i onli remembered that idiot was saeing no bf is gd, everibodi single, dun tink so much, drink. and ask me to drink his vodka orange, somemore is jus like that, finish that half jar tog with him in just one shot. then i ownself finish my 1 jug of vodka redbull + some beer at first and also another jar of vodka redbull which i didnt manage to finish and duno how come i got home. onli remember that everibodi was saeing who send me home, machiam everibodi wanna send me home when everibodi stae damn far from me. and dun remember how i walk down that stairs nvm. i dun even know why i cry! jus suddenly squat down there cry like hell. lols. guess ppl are tinkin wad's wrong with me. dun even know the time we went off. ive never never been like this bfore. never ever. and i guess this will b the first time. last time? i duno lehs. but i learn my lesson liaos, never drink during weekdae. end up ive to drag myself up when the alarm ring, sit on the bed stone, lie back and then sit up and stone again. realise my bag is actualli with me but, one of my phone is gone. and my money! onli left 9bucks! i remember i pass the change to somebodi, but i dun remember who is that somebodi. im dead. -.- aniwae, yesterdae after work immediately rush down to bugis to meet zhu. within this month i alreadi went there like 4-5 times liaos, jus to go and buy some tops. cut short, i wan to buy office wear skirt and shorts and she wan to buy shorts and slipper. ended up she did bought her shorts, and somemore extra stuff but no slipper. and i bought nothing i wanted to and bought dress and top. lols. im crazy. after that rush down to far east, bought kfc and went to do my hair extension. when that lady helped me to remove my previous extension it's damn painful! and after the whole ting, so much of my hair had dropped! i just use my hand to brush thru my hair and there's alot of hair stickin to my hand. bcos previous extension is onli 80 strand. so told her put 100 strand first then see how. in the end havent even finish doin my back alreadi nt enuff liaos. so thought have to add another 100 but i tink rather exp if i put another 100. so put another 60 first. then end up still nt enuff. short of 16strand bcos onli left one row on the side, so add in, total is 176strand. each strand $1.50 so total come up to $264 like that. heart pain. but it's nice and you dun realli feel as bad as the previous one bcos it's braid to your own hair one. different from the clip ^^ was tinkin where to go, then decide liaos jiu go down. reach liaos at first order 1 jug of beer. see it's caslberg(duno how to spell lar) alreadi nt interested liaos bcos i onli like tiger nia but nvm lor since i dun dare to drink other stuff. but then when i drink i find it veri bad. it's not cold and it's damn hard for me to drink. so drinking abit of the beer and after tinkin for long, decide to buy vodka redbull. purposely ask the person put more redbull. so each of my jug got abt 1.5can of redbull. wahhahas. but i still get drunk -.- 1 drink it machiam it's realli redbull bcos can hardly taste the vodka taste. drink finish liaos wanna drink somemore so bought another jug. i tink end up i onli drink abt half nia. and the rest of the story i dun realli know liaos. sometimes being busy and getting drunk is a gd ting, bcos at least wun tink so much. nw tink back, why i cry i dun even know. but i tink i cry till quite a bad state. hahahas. then suddenly jiu ok and start walkin. im realli crazy crazy.
he's my world. and now ive lost my world. zhu sae whenever we quarrel or whenever he wanted a break up, i would treat it like it's the end of the world. i told her, he's my world. hahahahas. cannt imagine her facial expression if i sae it to her straight to her face. so nw, ive lost my world. wad am i gonna do with my life? jus rot it awae. todae going to take out my old extension and doing the braided hair extension. fcukin hate my this hair extension. so wad if ppl sae im wasting money? that my tis hair extension is onli less the a month and im gonna remove it? bcos the texture is damn bad and it alwaes get tangle. even have to tie my hair into 2 parts when i sleep! pathetic ok. rot my life awae. rot rot rot. after hair extension gonna go shopping with zhu for awhile then go for my hair extension and drinking time! tml got work so wad. doesnt mean i haf to get damn drunk. jus need to numb myself. fri drinking session again! dun wish to disturb zhu and terence so much. hmmm. thurs tink of my own activity. hahas
i can do wadever stupid ting i wan. but in the end, i will still nt get him back. in the end, i will still lose him. i wanna b in a clear mind to talk to him. i wanna let him know how much he mean to me, how much i love him, how much i cant live without him. but can i? will i? hw can i? i seems to have such little confidence. just few more weeks to our 2nd anniversary. wad's wrong? just few more weeks. jus last week, we have our fun time tog. national dae and so on. all the surprises, presents and memories. where haf they gone to? i didnt mean to sae tings tat wae, but i couldn't control myself. whenever it's him, i jus go crazy. i dun wan to hear. dun wan to know that he wanna leave me. dun wan him to tell me he wan a break up. i do not wan. ive been trying hard to turn myself into a perfect gf. but i know, im not perfect yet. im still the old me. the one which he detest. but ive changed. ive realli tried my best to changed. but wad's wrong? wad's my problem? i duno. i cant tink straight, i cant sae wadever i wan. wadever words came out seems like im complaining. im saeing he's at fault, im saeing he's the one who is totally wrong and ive nothing to do with this failure. but i dun mean it. i dun. i onli wan him to see how much i'd done for him. i wan him to see my love for him. but i failed. everithing failed.
i love him so much. why things have to come this wae. i know im unreasonable. but all i wish was he can spend more time with me. i miss him so much. i onli wan to see him more. have more time spent with him. why isit that it's so difficult. he sae he's nt a chores that he have to call me evri night.it's a chore for him when there's nothin for us to talk abt. he dun love him. he's bored. he's tired. i need to be alone phone switched off. everihting offi. i wan to see no one other then when im at work. im tired. im better off dead.
so lazy to blog bcos i realise ive so much to talk abt! so to cut short, fri after work i cab down to wisma to collect hubby's phone then to hougang to meet zhu and put back some hair extension. bcos got other customer so went next door to do massage first. suppose to be foot massage onli, but kanna con have to do the back massage and my back hurts like im being hit after that! :( after that went to put back my extension and went back to zhu's house. she teach me to put the eye lashes =p manage to catch it but still feel uncomfortable whenever i put the eye lashes on. benn came to fetch me as i need to pass him back his money. on the wae to amk to withdraw money to return him hubby called. stupid him. i was supposed to give him a surprise on saturdae when i go and fetch him. in the end he return me a surprise by calling me and tell me he's alreadi in cab and on the wae home. i sian half bcos my surprise gone liaos! actualli still haf lar bcos i got lots of present to give him :) after i reach home call him to confirm he's not coming out so soon then prepare myself. make up halfwae a knock came on my room door, know confirm is him liaos. so jus open door and hug him. then show him his presents. he's like small kid, tearing open all the wrapping. see his happi face im also happi :) nua abit then jiu go meet his platoon mate bcos they are going to malaysia. drag till 2am plus then they decide to go into malaysia while im there sian-ing. reach malaysia liaos they all service their engine, so have to wait for at leas 2hrs. nua and plae my psp there. and even fall asleep. finally reach home at 6am and sleep! booked room at pan pacific on national dae so wake up around 1pm to wash up and prepare everithing. wake hubby up at around 230pm and meet alfred at pan pacific bcos need to be at least 21 then can check in. so finally check in liaos, wanted to project the lappie screen onto the tv but no matter how we try and wad we do also cannt. so end up call the person come up and do the stuff. am feelin hungry and they took so long but still cant solve. in the end left the room for them to solve the prob and went to suntec to have tepanyaki! hubby previously gave me a name card of this restaurant and he took the name card bcos he noes i wanted to eat tepanyaki. sweet sweet hubby! his treat also =p bill come up to $100 over. walk around suntec and when everione is dismissed from the NDP we started walking back to hotel bcos it will be damn crowded! so reach hotel is alreadi 9plus. realise that the problem is not solve and they never even leave ani message. dun wan to ruin my dae, hence jus watch youtube no my small lappie screen. watch movie that was shown on tv. i think is some dragon rider or something. kinda fun. watch liaos then plae game again and i fall asleep bcos am too tired. next dae wake up go and buy movie tix for money no enough II and bought lunch back. check out and went to arcade sit down plae psp again =p the show is damn nice! damn funny and touching. cry a few times. then realise that my lappie is not with us! worried, faster run back to the cinema and check but cannt find. then end up a staff told us they found in the the waiting area where hubby had left it while he plae psp and me gettin the tibits -.- heng ahs!! damn sad when i know that my lappie is gone bcos there's too much ting inside, thou it's a lousy lappie liaos. after national dae nothing much to sae bcos we didnt spend much time tog liaos as hubby keep going out with his fren for rounding and malaysia or either im at work. then he's suppose to book in on wed morning but he took MC for 3 daes, which means till todae evening, he have to book in. his cpu spoil liaos and i got a new lappie so pass him my old lappie so he can use at home :) went kbox on wed and am having a bad sore throat nw! :( im sick~!
hubby called me! i thought i would be miserable till saturdae when he come out. that i thought that everithing between us until he come out on saturdae to gimmie a answer. but he called me yesterdae! ok, he's not suppose to call. but then he called me bcos he reported sick and borrow phone from them to call me. so gan dong!! aniwae, i also worried abt him bcos he alwaes never take care of himself. for this 2yrs that we're tog, he have never realli fall sick. maybe once ot twice. but when he entered NS, he's alwaes sick and all his problem came out. wad's wrong? hubby, pls take care of urself hao mar? bcos i will be so worried when im not with you. afraid that you'll be in danger. few weeks ago zhu gimmie a webbie. it's a blog of a girl, who's bf died while in brunei training. went to search for all the info abt this guy who died and then realise that he is 1 of the 2 who died while undergoing training jus abt 2months ago, jus bfore hubby enlist. and me and zhu started to discuss how terrible it is. at least break off, maybe can still bump into each other at street. at least break off, the 2 of you sae tings out and argue. at least it's better then sudden death. where u wun get to hear his last gd bye. his last word to you. all that was left was silent. no explantation or wadsoever. jus silent and that he's no longer around in this world. and it jus left me fearing that it would happen to hubby. i duno how i would live my life. i cant imagine that and would never wan that dae to come. so hubby, pls take care of yourself and stop making me worriew ok? did my hair extension on last saturdae. went down to hougang to find zhu to do the hair extension near her house. on the 4th dae, 1 strand drop. 5th dae, another one drop! im so sad. wish that i can put them al back bfore saturdae. so that hubby can see. bcos i noe hubby alwaes wanted me to haf long hair. but, im alwaes too ren xing to keep my hair. and alwaes cut it whenever im not happi. so for 2yrs, i wear the almost same length of hair, almost same style of hair. hahahas. bought mani mani present for hubby. i couldnt resist myself! jus wanna let hubby b happi, happi happi. since he went in, ive spent more then a thousand dollar! im broke. 2 psp, 640bucks. 4 tops, 40bucks. drinking, 30bucks. ring, 78bucks. slimming wrap, 65bucks. singtel bill, 150bucks. starhub bill, 300bucks. hair extension, 160bucks. im broke!! damn broke. sian sian. something's wrong with me. should i or should i not see doc? hmm. i realli duno. scare is i da jin xiao guai see doc then waste money. but if realli got prob, then i dun see doc scare will bcome worst. hais. what should i do now?
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